This issue is often overlooked by those
who address the issue of sexual abuse, particularly by clergy. It
seems that nobody wants to admit that women sexually abuse, and it is
especially true that most do not wish to believe that vowed religious women
would ever sexually abuse anyone, much less a youth. Sadly, and
shamefully, this is simply not the case. Religious sisters and nuns
have and do sexually abuse. Why? They are human with all the
possible human mental illnesses that afflict others. Additionally some
women enter religious life because they themselves were sexually abuse and
have not come to terms with this abuse. Unhealed, and often with
unattended wounds of their own, they then repeat the cycle of sexual abuse,
just as any other sexual abuse victim might, without healing.
Sexual abuse is about POWER OVER another!
It is power demonstrated by violating another sexually, objectifying such a
victim, and not relating to other as a person deserving of respect.
Two thirds of sexual abuse victims go on to repeat the cycle and that is why
it is so very vital for the Church and society to treat those who have been
abused, to help them heal so that the need for "power and control" in life
is met with healthy options. All humans have this need for control in
life, but those who have been abused experience this need in an extreme way
since it was taken from them by perpetrators of the abuse. The need
must be met in healthy ways, such as controlling one's own life, dreams, and
goals, and having them met with success. Such a need for power and
control in one's life is normal, and all humans experience it. When it
is not met, it is easy to sink into depression, or meet it in unhealthy and
even criminal ways.
Sexual abuse is both unhealthy and
criminal. When a religious sister sexually abuses it is as devastating
and perhaps more as when a male member of the clergy abuses! Sisters
are often "mother figures" to the youth, and just as when a minister or
priest abuses sexually after being a "father figure" there is an
element of spiritual incest involved. The wounds are lifelong.
If you have experienced sexual abuse from
a vowed religious woman, you are not alone. You may not hear as much
about it in the media as you do about male clergy and religious.
However, it is clear that women have not come forward nearly as much as male
victims. Women are often accustomed to being victimized in society,
and "keeping their place" so this is part of why we have not heard from more
women who have been abused by women religious (as well as women abused by
priests).
There is an important distinction to keep
in mind regarding sexual abuse from the clergy and religious, and indeed
from anyone:
Pedophilia is abuse of
PRE-PUBESCENT youth. This mental disease is all about power as
described above. Psychologists do not experience this as
something that can be healed.
Ephebophilia is sexual abuse of
POST-PUBESCENT youth, and is more tied to sexually immature perpetrators
who are, in fact, turning their sexual exploits and experimentation upon
"emotional peers", rather than young children, or adult peers.
They are emotional peers because such ephebophiles are not sexually
mature and so they turn to those who are pre-teen or teenage BECAUSE
they are most like themselves! This is a treatable
mental problem! With maturity and self-knowledge such an abuser
can indeed STOP his or her sexual advances and abuses of youth, and
either return to a vow of celibacy as required by their lives, or turn
to adult peers for their sexual gratification and relationships.
In either of the above two categories we
find criminal behavior, regardless of the mental reasons motivating the
behavior. It is a crime to sexually molest or rape a youth.
Period.
The wounds left on such a youthful victim
are for a lifetime, and the possibility of causing this cycle to repeat are
strong.
If you have experienced such abuse, please
know that we understand, and we are willing to walk with you in your healing
process.
You need not walk alone. You need
not abandon a Faith that has been meaningful and life-giving to you.
It is not the Faith, or God Who abuses, but those who dare to speak in the
name of God or a particular religion. The Faith, the religion
and God are yours, and you have a right to them. We understand
this, and have walked the walk.
Join us in our blog on this topic:
Abuse by
Nuns
SOLACE
OF SOULS
